Last night I had a long, tear-filled conversation with a friend. Tear-filled because ever since I lived in Japan, my tear ducts tend to get a great workout. Not sure why, but they just do.
This particular friend told me something that made me cry... not because it hurt my feelings, but because it is true. And only once he said it outloud did I realize how true it is.
He said to me that I have self-esteem when it comes to academics and friendship and work, but in the area of relationships I have a very low self-esteem. I'd basically poured out my heart to him (it was kathartic actually...) and so he heard the pain in my voice and face when I was talking.
And the things is, he's right. I have self-esteem to spare when I'm doing sports or studying, but when it comes to dating I feel hopelessly lost. And to make matters worse, I have few close friends who are in the same situation as I am. My close friends are all in stable relationships or are married. I know there are a few who aren't, but overall that's the picture I see.
So, that was the heavy conversation that I had last night... until the wee hours of the morning actually. And now I'm off to do something with self-esteem intact... KENDO!!
Talk to you later!
3 comments:
You just need more practice in the relationship field.
And to take things slower with the guy so you don't scare him off with your intensity!
Who said that?? Just curious...
I don't think the main problem here is you having some kind of low self esteem. You know you rock. I think the main problem is that you are completely and utterly unaware when guys are sweet on you! Like how could you not have known in high school!? ;) So, yeah, of course you feel hopelessly lost -- but the point is that you really SHOULDN'T. You are a hot commodity!! And you always are claiming that I'm smart for some reason, so you must lend some kind of creedance to my opinions. Believe it!
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