Kind of serious stuff...

Last night I had a long, tear-filled conversation with a friend. Tear-filled because ever since I lived in Japan, my tear ducts tend to get a great workout. Not sure why, but they just do.

This particular friend told me something that made me cry... not because it hurt my feelings, but because it is true. And only once he said it outloud did I realize how true it is.

He said to me that I have self-esteem when it comes to academics and friendship and work, but in the area of relationships I have a very low self-esteem. I'd basically poured out my heart to him (it was kathartic actually...) and so he heard the pain in my voice and face when I was talking.

And the things is, he's right. I have self-esteem to spare when I'm doing sports or studying, but when it comes to dating I feel hopelessly lost. And to make matters worse, I have few close friends who are in the same situation as I am. My close friends are all in stable relationships or are married. I know there are a few who aren't, but overall that's the picture I see.

So, that was the heavy conversation that I had last night... until the wee hours of the morning actually. And now I'm off to do something with self-esteem intact... KENDO!!

Talk to you later!

Week 2: Over and out!!

Last week was an interesting one... I've gotten started with working up at the university once in awhile. It's basically having conversations with students studying English. How hard is that?? :-) Not hard, but very fun!

Wednesday I went out with some friends from my really amazing class last semester. We had a really good night... except for me falling apart and bawling when I heard a song in one of the restaurants we visited. Argh!! Crying is BAD!!! Hahaha... overall, things ended with karaoke... and Lauren - I sang Cherry and almost started crying! I MISS YOU!!!! ;-)

This weekend has been pretty mellow all said. I played some pool last night with Kenzo. It was pretty fun... he's such a pool shark and he's giving me all sorts of tips and all that. Watch out world... I'll get those angles down soon!! ;-) And then I'll be unstoppable!! ;-) Hahaha!!

Hope all's well....

Back to the grind!

So, I've been back in Hawaii just over a week. Eeeeek! I'm not a huge fan... I liked being on vacation and not having to do school work. BUT... I have two mini New Year's resolutions. 1) Do more homework on the weekends so that I don't get overly stressed out. and 2) Start running regularly again.

The first one I've already made some progress with. I've been doing bits and pieces of studying ever since the weekend started and today I'll be doing some more. Yay!! The second, I've made a bit of progress toward... I bought some running shoes on sale at Footlocker yesterday... so now I have no excuses not to run. Other than the obvious: I'm a lazy git! ;-)

While I was home over Christmas I made a decision to go back to Japan next year to study... which means that I'll be heading over there in the fall if all works well. Let's hope that it does! ;-) Being in Japan next year would also mean that I'd be closer to one of my best friends that I've met here, Ji yon, as she's an exchange student from Korea and has to go back after this semester. :-(

So... it might be that people who want to come to Hawaii to visit might have to do so before next fall... so let's get a move on folks!! Haha... just kidding... it would be even cooler if you'd like to come to Japan to visit. ;-)

Other mini resolution, I want to keep my blog up a bit better. I've been really bad and I don't like that... so... kore kara ganbarimasu!! (From now on I'll try hard!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

First I should apologize for being so bad!! I didn't have much time during finals or during the Christmas holidays to put anything up on my blog. And there's so much to report now!! ;-)

Finals week was CRAZY!! It was all I could do to get through it without catching a cold during the middle of it all. But as soon as I hit send on my paper that was due on Friday... I got a cold!! Eeeek! I was sick about the first week while I was at home... but after that I was pretty good. :-)

The day after I arrived in Fairbanks, my friend Kirsty flew in. She came to spend an Alaskan Christmas with my family and I. We had SO much fun! Among the list of things that we did: snow-machining, dog mushing, watched 2 hockey games (YAY UAF!!!!!), xc skiied, played with my puppy, etc. It was really great! And now Kirsty is an unofficial member of the Smyth family. ;-) Seriously!! We had such fun!!

I arrived back in Hawaii after an amazing holiday and headed right up to campus for a meeting with my advisor. Basically I DO want to go study in Japan next year... after too much time has gone by some of the choice programs are full... but that doesn't put me out of the running. :-) Which is good to know. I've got to go meet with the study abroad coordinator tomorrow after I get done with my one class! (I tried to get all my classes to be on T/TH, but that got all messed up when one section was closed of the Japanese class that I need to take... the one that fit perfectly. Anyway... wish me luck with sorting all that stuff out. It would be really great to go back to Japan as a student. It'll be a totally different experience than before.

Anyway... that's the brief update! I'll try to be better about updating things on here...

Something Interesting... but not all of it is true...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Guess which parts are true for me??

MIA!!!

I am so sorry that I've been MIA for SO long!! The end of the semester here has been a bit on the overwhelming side for me. I've never been this lazy a kid before and all of a sudden there was too much to do and too little time to do it in! EEEEK!!

But now... I am done! I am free and I am leaving for home tonight!! YAY!! I'm SO excited. Though, I'm tired... it's still nice to be done. And a big relief. ;-)

So... what have I been getting up to lately?!? Well... I've been trying to get all the finals-related work done, but I've also been having some fun too.

Last weekend I went to see Narnia... which was simply amazing! I loved that film. Only problem was that we went to the 11:15pm showing... so at a few parts I had to keep myself from falling asleep. I was fairly successful at doing that, thanks to the fact that it's not a boring film.

My friend Shannah left for home on Friday. So on Thursday she came over and we had some dinner and had a last chat before she left, watched a little OC and had chips and salsa. Was a good rest from paper writing for me.

Anyway... I leave for Alaska tonight. It'll be good. I think I should be able to sleep alright (it's an 11:59pm flight) and then I'll arrive in Anchorage tomorrow and have 2 hours to kill there until I fly to Fairbanks at 9:20am. I'm excited to be going home. We'll do all the great Christmas things that I haven't done in years... baking, decorating a real tree, Christmas Eve service. Everything!!! It'll be great fun. ;-)

It's been awhile... sorry!

Hello!!

I'm so sorry I've been off the radar for about a week. I didn't mean to fall off the face of the earth. Things have just been really busy!

Last week was amazing! I had a great Thanksgiving on Thursday with friends out in Kaneohe... beautiful area... too bad it was raining. Grrrr... But we had a great time. Though the combination of red wine and turkey was bad. I kept falling asleep... which everyone made a joke out of. heehee... what can I say? I think everyone will give me crap about that for awhile.

I then spent a lot of time with Kenzo...

Both of us were invited to a party by a friend of ours from class. It was pretty fun... then we went for karaoke. Sang a bunch... was good fun.

Anyway... it was a pretty good weekend...

This week has been really busy... not sure what's been going on... other than having homework poured on... argh!!

Just 18 days until I go home... and SO much to do!!!

Hello world!!

Yesterday was a great day! Not only do I officially have a place to live, but I got a really great email in my university mailbox. That mail told me that I got a $1000 stipend for next semester!! YAY!!! Now, it's not a TON of money, but every little bit helps. So I'm grateful. Now all I have to do is get the right paperwork to one of the financial aid people and I'm all set. :-)

Had to share! Have a good one!

I have a HOME!!!

Just to let everyone know... I just got an email from one of the girls that I'll be sharing an apartment with... YAY!!! I'm SO stoked! I have a place to live... down in Waikiki... and cheaper than I'm paying now. BUT I'll also have to figure out the bus schedule for all my classes once I move... it could be worse... I could be homeless! ;-)

Had to share the good news!

Baby Carrots and Soy Milk

On Saturday night, I went to see Harry Potter with some friends. It was SO good!! I really enjoyed the movie... it moved so quickly and got the important parts all in. Yay for the new director!! Well done! Will probably see it again... :-)

Afterwards the four of us (me, Kenzo, Shannah and Yuudai) went for some food at this cute little '50s style diner near the theater. Fun times... we managed to devour 2 desserts and the others ate main dishes too! (The we on the desserts means we ALL dove into those...)

Following that Kenzo and I said goodnight to the other two because we were heading to a bar in Chinatown. We got there and met up with Ji yon. Now I was dressed uncharactaristically girlie that night... skirt and everything!! And Ji yon made sure that I knew (and Kenzo knew) that she thought I looked nice. Haha... after we closed down the bar (they close at 2 here) we headed out to catch a cab...

We pondered going home or going to another bar... well, when we got in the cab Kenzzo took charge telling the cab to go to a grocery store near his house. Where we would then pick up supplies and head to his house to continue the night. Ji yon stayed with the cab... but made sure that we knew to get baby carrots and soy milk for her (she's special! haha!) along with the other things that we were going to get. We got cheese and crackers, baby carrots and soy milk. Though we tried to buy wine... apparently they stop selling it at 12 in Hawaii. Who knew!?!

At Kenzo's we just sat around and talked... admired his cat (Nana-chan is SO cute!! And I don't like cats usually...) and ate some cheese and crackers... and had a nice time. Eventually around 4 I said that I really had to go... and at about 4.25 or so (it was definitely before 4.30) I actually left.

And now... I'm still trying to recover from the lack of sleep!! I had to wake up at 7.30 yesterday in order to get to work! Eeeek!!

Hope you have a good day!!

Looking up...

Now, I've said this before... but I think things might be looking up a little bit for me... maybe...

The end of my week went really well! Thursday I had an awesome day. I spent the day with a good friend and talking to him made me think that things might actually work out alright. With the apartment search and the job search... Maybe he's just level-headed enough to make my freaking out seem silly. Who knows??

Friday was also good. I ended up meeting up with Kenzo and he made me speak Japanese a whole bunch! Which is great because my speaking is the area that seems to be getting weaker instead of stronger. SO... Kenzo, the only mean Japanese friend I have (jk), makes me speak in Japanese a lot to practice. Did that, then went down to Wal-mart and ended up in Barnes and Noble afterwards.

Bookstores are so comforting. They're just nice. Only problem... at Christmas time it's really nice to step into a warm bookstore because it's cold outside. Hmmmm... yeah, that doesn't really work here. If anything it's a relief to step out into the warmth outside!

Hope this is a nicer message to read. I haven't meant to be such a downer lately... it's just kind of happened that way.

Take it easy.

A xx

The Week so far...

Well, I've been trying to refrain from writing much on my blog. It's been a pretty bad week so far and it's only Tuesday night. The week in review...

Monday, I sent a deposit in for an apartment that I really liked. Tuesday morning (before my 7:30 class), I got an email saying that the place had already been rented. Last Friday, my friend Chris said he'd ask his boss on Monday if I could come in for an interview to replace him (he's too busy) at his position. This morning, I found out that the boss wants someone with TOEFL teaching experience (that I don't have).

So... I'm completely back at square one. Needing to find a place to live before I go home for Christmas (Dec. 18th) and needing to find a new job in order to pay any rent now or in the future. And to pour salt in the wound... the guy that I kind of like has a girlfriend (last time people heard, which was back at the beginning of September).

All in... I'm having a really crappy week. And tomorrow I have a Japanese test that I'm not sure I'm really ready for, but I'm just going to have to do my best.

Sorry for the downer...

What a difference 24 hours makes...

I had a much better day today... I found a place to live. Yay!! I'll be putting my deposit in and try to get in there by December 1st.

To top it all off... I had a weird, but in a good way, thing happen to me today.

I was sitting in Waikiki at the bus stop. Just sitting eating my lunch (power bar)... and there was this guy just walking down the street who suddenly said "Hey gorgeous, how are you today?" Now normally, I'd just be weirded out... but I was in such a good mood that it just made me smile. How often do you get told that you're gorgeous by a random person on the street??

Anyway... glad to have had a great day!! :-)

Kicked when down...

So... this week has been... less than stellar.

First, I found out that I will have to move before January because the rent's going up. And I can't afford it.

So, I've been looking for an apartment all week. Not much luck yet... but am looking at a place tomorrow.

And then there's today after work... I was basically told that my schedule isn't what it needs to be and I have been relegated to working one day a week...

So... now, on top of having to find a new place to live... I have to find a job too. It's been a tough week... and I'm wondering now if I'm supposed to be here... the signs right now are pretty sketchy.

Cross your fingers!!

I just found out on Monday that I'll be moving pretty soon. Why?? Well, because my landlord is hiking the rent to $700 a month. Which is really only $75 more than it is right now. The only problems: a) It doesn't seem like much, but it's enough that I can't pay my other bills, b) the place isn't THAT nice, and c) all my roommates, though I like them a lot, aren't my age and I'd like to live with younger people.

Now, I talked to a really nice lady this evening and I'm going to go look at a room on Friday near-ish to where I live already. SO... cross your fingers!!

So, we all know Halloween was a week ago... but I just haven't gotten around to posting anything about it... well... here's some interesting pictures! The beautiful "lady" in the middle is my friend Kenzo... On Halloween he made us all amazing Hiroshima-yaki and then disappeared to get into costume. None of us had a clue what he was going to "be."

Much to our delight he came out looking like... that!! ;-)


Kenzo and Kana (left) and Ji yon.






















The group shot was taken just as we got out of a taxi down in Waikiki... look at that beautiful collection of people... Haha... We did have a great night... but all paid because 3 of us had 7.30am class the next day!

Other news...

This weekend was a really good one. Went out with Ji yon on Friday... went to a really cool club down in Chinatown... one of the better places I've been since I got here. We also ended up walking for a bit to "sober up" haha...

Saturday, I had kendo in the morning, which was really good fun. I went up against Mark-sensei... who is slightly scary, but difficult so I worked really hard! Then I came home and cleaned. We officially have a clean fridge... oh man it was DISGUSTING!!! And hadn't been cleaned for a LONG time! So, now it's sparkling! Yay!!

Then I met up with Kenzo (not in drag!) and Ji yon down in Ala Moana Park for a bit of soccer before going to a barbecue. Really good fun!! But I must say, playing soccer without shoes can be dangerous... My toe can prove that!!

After the barbecue festivities came to an end... we all headed back to Ted's apartment (a friend of Kenzo's that I've met a few different times!) and other people drank, but as I had work in the morning I only had a beer and some random drink that was pink and tasted like Skittles.

Anyway... good weekend... even if I'm really tired (calculated the number of hours I slept over the weekend... it's somewhere around 8)... I had fun and that counts for a lot.

Hope to hear from you soon! Sorry I've been slacking!

GREAT NEWS!!!

My good friend Ian Reynolds and his lovely Japanese girlfriend (now wife) JUST got married!!! Yay!! Such good news! YAY!!! Sorry... lots of "yays" in this post!! But it's so exciting!! ;-)

More to come...

NANOOKS WIN!!!

OMG!!!

I checked out the hockey scores just now...

UAF (ranked 20th) BEAT Univ. of Michigan (ranked 1st) 4-2!!!!

This news ROCKED my world!! Not only has UAF never won the first game in a Michigan series... but they have hardly ever won any games against them. And usually when they have won it's been on the road in Michigan!! WAHOO!!! Stick it to the Wolverines... they've been a powerhouse too long!!

Just had to celebrate a bit!!

Oh yeah... the Redwings won today too!!

Thursday

This week has actually been pretty relazing on the whole. I've had some extra days off from work... which has been nice. I don't miss the commute to work at all!! Haha...

Last night I went to kendo and had a renshu-jiai (which means 'practice match') for the first time. I actually tied. Which is not bad. The only thing... I had a clear shot... and didn't follow through. I saw it, didn't make it... and went ARRRRGH!!! inside. But at least I didn't open up to be hit. :-) That was really good... but I hurt my thumb. It's a bit funny when I try to bend it. Oh, well... I'll be ok enough to practice on Saturday.

AND... in good news (speaking of Saturday)... I ran into one of my kendo sempai (like a mentor) yesterday and we chatted a bit... and then she asked what I was doing after kendo on Saturday. Answer: nothin'. So, instead of nothing I'm going with her and a few other young kendo people to Chinatown to hang out. Am SO stoked!! I have friends. Just when I thought I was losing friends... it turns out I'm not. :-) YAY!!

Anyway, am headed to Starbucks to study... then do a bit of shopping (have NO food!) and then birthday drinks with my friend Jiyon and some other people from our 7:30 class. Whee!! Am a regular social butterfly, ne??

Talk to you soon!!

Weekend and Update

This weekend was GREAT!! Saturday was the best day ever. First, I got up and went to kendo. Which was pretty difficult since we're getting ready for our tournament in November. All the sensei are pushing us really hard! Wheee...

Then in the afternoon I took it easy and watched the opening game of the World Series. Was sad... I've become an Astros fan thanks to Lauren. Thank goodness the series moves to Houston now. :-)

After that I headed to Waikiki to meet up with some friends from one of my classes. Jiyon and I had talked about getting people together for awhile... and it was finally happening. It only ended up being Jiyon, Kenzo, Doug and me... but that was perfect. First we went out for yaki-niku (Korean barbeque in other places) at a place called Gyu-kaku (Lauren I missed you!!!). It was great. We had some beer... had lots of meat and had a great time. Then, we moved across the street to the karaoke boxes!!! Heehee... that's right. I went and did karaoke Japanese style. Oh man!! It was so much fun. Everybody could sing and we alll sang some really good/funny songs. And I busted out some Japanese songs even. Yay Ulfuls!!! ;-)

Then at around 1 (we didn't even realize how late it was!) we hiked back to Doug's car (a BMW!!) and he gave us all a lift home. Yay!!! Was SUCH a great night.... lifted my spirits entirely.

Now there has been some interest in the drama in my life as of late.... here it is...

When I arrived in Hawaii, I met a guy called Hikaru. He is originally from Sendai (which is really near to where I used to live in Japan) and so we just hit it off. We'd go out to dinner, talk about school, missing Japan, etc. He always managed to calm me down when I was super stressed out (usually about Japanese!!). We were just good friends. Well, I kind of started liking him at some point, but was never going to act on it because we were good friends and I didn't want to ruin it. Well... a few weeks back, he made the first move. But apparently he's still hung up on his old girlfriend. That's as much as he told me in the one email I've gotten from him in the last 2 1/2 weeks. For my part, I reassured him that being friends is fine... but apparently he can't do that. The drama is mostly on my end... I can't figure out how a person I called a friend could actually just decide to NOT be someone's friend anymore. So basically I've lost a really good friend and I was pretty upset about it. Now... I've just given up. I can't do anymore to "persuade" him that I want to be friends.

You may be disappointed by the "drama" but that's it. :-)

Hope you have a good monday!!